Christmas. I LOVE this time of year. The excitement of the season, the hustle and bustle of shopping, decorating, baking, and family holiday outings. The warmth of a crackling fire on a cold winter evening accompanied by a cozy cup of hot chocolaty goodness. More so, I love, love, love the anticipation of Christmas morning, the anticipation of celebrating the birth of Jesus, a beautiful baby born to save the world. There is much excitement in the anticipation of the birth of a precious new little life. I imagine Mary scared, excited, nervous and unsure. She had no idea what to expect other than the promise the Angel gave her that she would birth a beautiful Savior.
Right now our family awaits the arrival of the fourth addition to our family. We can't help but relate to this season of Advent. This longing, waiting and anticipation. We are scared, excited, nervous and unsure. We don't know what to expect. We long to fill our home with another child - a little love to complete our family. Two weeks ago at the end of our home study we asked "what's next"? The answer... we may have a child by Christmas. What!? Scared, excited, nervous and unsure. Most know I'm a planner by nature but there is something exciting about this unknown timing. So this year we have hung a fourth stocking up on our mantle. A constant reminder of the anticipation of this new little life and our hope for another little Benson.
A few weeks ago my heart began to fill with anxiety and fear. There is always a possibility that we will have a child that will come into our home for a period of time yet not remain with us. A child that could be returned to his or her family or may even be adopted by a relative. We are thankful for friends who have journeyed this road before us so I called and talked through some things with a friend about our end goal and intention in this whole process. I needed a little guidance and assurance and she helped me understand some of the options a little more.
While we are being licensed for foster care, we are mostly pursuing what they call matched adoption and low legal risk placements. Matched adoption is a child who's parent's rights have been terminated and they are up for adoption. Low legal risk is a placement of a child whose parent's rights most likely will be terminated and the child is less likely to be returned to their family. After talking with our agency more, we are trying to consider if we really want to accept what they call emergency placements. This is when CPS removes a child from a home and has 4 quick hours to find a foster family for the child. In some cases, there is no time to find alternative family to take the child so the child is placed in foster care or they are placed for a period of time until relatives can make arrangements to take the child - which could be a few days, weeks or months. Because of our end goal, this type of arrangement is risky for us. And we are still praying through whether or not we plan to take these types of calls. It's a tough decision and even tougher for me to think of declining a child in need. But we are learning we have to trust the Lord has a perfect plan for each child's life and these children will end up exactly where they should be.
So many have asked what type of child are we looking for -- so here's your answer!
Boy or Girl - My heart goes back and forth on this. From the beginning I've said girl, but lately I've began to picture us with a boy. But then after seeing Frozen now I really want a sister for Addie. Hahaaaaa! For the most part, we are leaving this up to the Lord. Just praying that when we get a call we will know if it is the right child for us.
Age 2-4 - The more we think through this, 3 or 4 years becomes more and more our heart's desire. We desire a child closer to Addie's age. We would even accept a 5 year old but really desire for Addie to be the oldest child in our family.
Race - Any! I would love me a little chocolate baby. Seriously excited about that. But we will see what God's design is for us and our family.
So with our narrowed down choices for the type of placement we are looking for it really could be a bit longer wait than Christmas. (exhales) So we just wait. Wait on the Lord and on His perfect timing. We have no idea what is in store for us with this whole journey, but we wait with anticipation and excitement of the coming of a future little Benson.
I'm not sure if you have been in contact with Dr. Purvis and her post-adoption attachment resources, but they are wonderful and really the thought leaders in the field. There's in depth training on it. It will answer so many of your questions your struggling with. It's all about helping them learn healthy attachment to become health Adults. Without it, they cannot. There lies the struggle. It takes years to undo reactive attachment issues and provide enough emotional safety to progress in healthy attachment. The initial years are quite ugly. It's a lot of emotional turmoil to expose other children in the home too, without a long-term course. In other words, short-term placements are traumatic and can be very emotionally trying, especially for little people in the home. Hope this help! Jenny Kincaid
ReplyDeleteThanks Jenny!! We had a WHOLE two classes on Dr. Purvis' teachings!! We have some resources - I've forgotten some things we've learned but we will take it all a bit at a time and learn as we go and tap into resources as WELL as the power of the Holy Spirit to lead and guide us. We are also very trusting in the Lord for how this will all play out with our daughter Addison - who I know is stronger than most 5 year olds!
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